Lack of loyalty

"I feel more alone the older I get. It's like the world doesn't believe in loyalty anymore."

it's not the world doesn't believe in loyalty anymore,

it's that it never did.

i've learned a lot about the nature of people over the past few years.  

there are so many different kinds and not all of them are genuine. 

be selective.

Love is the movement...

"Love is the movement."

i love this comment...

for a long time now i've felt that our generation has a lack of passion.  i mean...compared to the revolutionary times of our parents and the great change that they saw in the first half of their lives.  i mean...we've got nothing.

until now...

for the first time we have a female presidential candidate running against an African American candidate.  

i never thought i'd see this anytime soon,

does anyone else feel the same?

anyways...our "movement" seems to be about change, love and peace. that surely sounds familiar.  i'm proud to be apart of this revolution of change. how awesome!

here's some inspiration:

Carnies

"I have a carnie fetish."

From Wikipedia:

Carny or Carnie is a slang term for a carnival employee,^[1] as well as the language they employ.^[2] A carny is anyone who runs a "joint" (booth), "grab joint" (food stand), game, or ride at a carnival. 

Sexual fetishism is the sexual attraction to material and terrestrial objects while in reality the essence of the object is inanimate and sexless. Body parts may also be the subject of sexual fetishes (also known as partialism) in which the body part preferred by the fetishist takes a sexual precedence over the owner. Sexual fetishism may be regarded as a disorder of sexual preference, or as an enhancing element to a relationship.^[1]

i think we all have secret fetishes.  we hide them because we're taught that we should be ashamed of our sexuality.   but we all have our thing, whether we admit it or discover it.  it's only natural! and like wikipedia said fetishes can enhance your relationship.  The more you know about yourself the further you can go...in all the things you do!

That ONE person...

"I'm afraid of living my whole life without finding that one person who makes my heart beat fast."

sometimes i think

we're all on this desperate search to fall in love.

to find that one person.

but i swear, 

the moment you stop searching,

a random acquaintance

and circumstance,

leads you into love.

life is all about the connections and relationships we make.  you will find that somebody, it just may not be for you right now.  not everyone finds their true love early in life, enjoy growing on your own...the single life has tons to offer! :)

it's monday...

the toughest day of the week,

but it's almost over!

Terrified

"Every single day I'm terrified of losing my mom."

the other day my sister called me looking for my mom, it was weird because my sister still lives with her.  But anyways, my sister said that my mom had left about an hour ago for food and hadn't been back since, she also wasn't answering her cell phone. which is abnormally strange for her.  for a split second I thought something bad had happened, my paranoia kicked in.  That was just for a minute that I was filled with horror.  I can't even imagine how you can deal with the thought of losing your mom EVERY DAY.  I wish I could relate to you and tell you that everything is fine.  But this is a battle that I'm probably too young for.

i'm hoping that there's someone else out there who might respond to this blog with a story...

?

?

?

oh, and sorry that this post was a little messed up yesterday, blogger wasn't letting me edit my posts for some reason. how annoying.  but it seems to be better now.

yay.

enjoy the weekend.

spring is near!

I love girls.

"I date boys but i love girls."

i've found so many girls writing/admitting,

on bathroom stalls,

 that they love girls and not boys.

there have already been three comments that i've found so far

and i'm posting them.

because there must be many other women 

that feel the same.

you're not alone, ladies!!

here's something fun that i created in class the other day...

ENJOY.

Scratch and bleed...

"I scratch myself 'til I bleed to feel good. I wish I could just cut myself but I know after that 1st cut I couldn't stop."

so sad.

Eager for change

"I want a 'mistake child' with my boyfriend, so we can start a family."

wow.  this surprised me.  we all have hopes and expectations in life and for some people, being a parent is essential and fulfilling.  it makes me a little sad, but i don't know if I want kids...well, i know i don't want them now, that's for sure.  the whole child-birthing process doesn't really seem appealing to me.  there are so many dreams that i have for myself.  i'm in a very "selfish self-discovering" part of my life right now...how could i possibly know what to do with a child? i haven't even figured out things for myself yet.

but...some people are made to be mothers and fathers.

seriously...

it's like you can see it in them

before they even have a kid.

if you really want a kid...

work at a daycare center.

i worked at one for like 3 months...

and if i even have children,

i'll be thirty.

The lucky teacher

"I slept with my Spanish teacher."

he took her back.

"Her boyfriend caught us hooking up, I want to be with her but he took her back."

i watched "across the universe" today.

it had some amazing imagery,

and of course,

the music was fantastic.

the story line was weak,

but it was worth the watch.

i found something that i thought you could relate to,

from "across the universe," of course!

Happy Valentine's Day!

"I'm in love with someone but I lied and told him I was over it so he'd still be my friend."

i hate losing people i love...and sometimes the way we avoid that is by lying.  

i don't blame you.

i would've lied too.

here's another great video that i found while surfing the net

it's from:

www.postsecret.com

but i found it on you tube.

have a wonderful valentine's day!! watch out for that bastard named cupid! <3

some food for your eyes:

www.demonhand.blogspot.com

www.laurenmoyer.blogspot.com

www.brittanythomasson.blogspot.com

Eating disorders

"I was bulimic for 6 years"

"I wish I could still be."

I thought these two videos might help, they're by dove and their work to better women's self esteem. i think they're both fantastic!!

>

Playing kissy face...

"I've kissed more girls than boys...but (I) like boys."

Jealousy

"I lied to my fiance about getting flowers from a random guy to see if he would get jealous. :("

I used to think that it was strange that my boyfriend never got jealous.  but then i realized it was something I should be thankful about...a jealous man is an insecure one.

right...??!@!?

Nightmares and Flashbacks, oh my!

"I tell everyone I'm 'tired' or 'fine' but really I'm having flashbacks and nightmares all the time...I don't know what to do. I don't know how to turn it off."

i don't really know how to comment on this...it just breaks my heart.

here are some other things i thought you might wanna check out:

www.thepostitproject.blogspot.com

www.foundinpockets.blogspot.com

Smile for me, baby!

"Don't worry be happy."

I just watched the movie, "American Beauty" the other day, quite a good show.  We had talked about it in class...before then I had grouped the movie with "American Pie," and had never wanted to watch it....not that I don' like American Pie, but American Beauty seemed like a copy cat at the time.  

but ANYWAYS...my point:

when all things go wrong, and there's nothing left to be happy about...the world is beautiful.  In the movie, Kevin Spacey was a depressed man who had nothing left to live for.  But then he sees this beautiful young girl, who made him excited about life for the first time in 20 years.  It seems kinda of creepy but if you notice, there are always roses when the young girl appears in his fantasies...I think he sees something in her that he once saw in his wife.  This young girl was so alive and free...something that his wife used to be but had not become.  Anyways, when he dies, and his flashbacks appear in the end...he says, 

 "I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world.  Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

A lovely thought a day...

"A lovely thought a day keeps the doctor away."

"If only that were true."

Lovely thoughts help me get through the day.

for example:

IT'S FRIDAY!

YAY!

also, here's this photobucket thing I did...i thought it was neat and I wanted to share it:

misplaced shopping carts,
empty oil barrels,
condemned buildings,
totaled cars.

nothing but leftovers.

Good 'Ol Sexuality

"I'm dating him because it's easier than telling him and telling someone else, I love her."

this quote appeared above the other one just a few days later...I had to post it.  Everyone contemplates the possibilities of their sexuality.  They're lying if they tell you otherwise.  I have straight guy friends who have thought that they might be gay...I've thought that I was bisexual...it's normal to think about it...and you're still normal if you're gay.  Things seem hard, but the important people in your world won't care.  best of luck, my love!  Please know that you're not alone.

As I promised...

"I'm afraid of falling in love."

"and that's ok."

Every woman is afraid of falling in love, and once they're in love, they're scared of how vulnerable they are.  Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never get over the fear of a broken heart, but that seems to be the best solution to get the most out of any relationship.

hmmm...?

Unfortunately

Unfortunately, I do not have a stall comment for this post...but I thought that making a post might entertain me...I'm in class right now, learning about important stuff. Things like, similarity key techniques and probabilistic methods...linguistic things, it counts as my math class. SOO... I really have no true complaints...but i needed a little break.  I feel as if I'm running out of steam...life is coming faster than ever.

here's my list of things to do:
1. finalize my place to live
2. schedule classes
3. study for astronomy exam on friday
4. study for linguistics exam on wednesday
5. BLOG
6. sell some freakin art!!!!


but all I feel like doing is rolling into bed...or painting, or making new curtains for my room.

and I'm on a constant hunt for bathrooms with writing...if you find one, let me know!

next time we talk, I swear I'll have a photograph.