I cheated.

"I cheated on my husband."

have you told him?

Depression and Therapy

"I wish I could binge, purge, starve, cut myself...

but I'm too afraid to go back to therapy.

I may be medicated,

I'm still broken."

I've been avoiding posting this one, because it makes me so sad.  No matter how much you binge, purge, starve or cut yourself...it will never make you love yourself.  What it does is gives you satisfaction for 10 minutes...I know therapy sucks...I've never been, but goodness...it can't be fun.  There was this guy in my class and he did this blog about his struggle with depression.  He was cutter and had huge anxiety attacks...reading his story might help.  not only does he tell us about his depression...but his struggle through therapy and medication.

http://letmeseeyourscars.blogspot.com/

his story is down at the bottom...the blog consists of things that made him feel better in his darkest hour.  the quotations and words might not hit you as hard as they did for him...but his blog is a map of his struggle and recovery.  I hope this can help...in ANY way.

and for those of you who have never seen a doctor about depression...it's worth it!!! I went with one of my best friends the other day...to their regular doctor.  The doctor had my friend fill out a survey, something that would help him determine how the depression was affecting his patient.  After that, the doctor handed my friend some sample medication and told us to come back in 5 weeks.  that's all it was. plain and simple.  Hopefully this medication works...we'll see.

Enjoy life, then!

"Tempus edax rerum"

"(Enjoy life, then)"

I chose this one for today because I've been completely swamped with "things to do."  not even things that I want to do...but things i have to do.  It's like I have this ticking clock in my head telling me that I'm losing time...precious precious time.  I always go off and make art, when I should really be studying...when I should be running errands...but it seems to me...like all that crap is the waste of time.  Because at then end of the day, i'm artist...i need to be working and producing...no worrying about exams...blah.

i just want to enjoy life.

and i'm always like...

once this exam is over,

then i can.

when spring break starts,

then i can start to just enjoy life.

but my ambition attacks my relaxation.

ahhh...i just can't find the balance.

A little girl on girl...

"I've always wanted to try a girl on girl experience, but I have a BF and no one to explore with."

"Come find me, babe!"

there's no reason to keep this a secret or to feel ashamed.  with the media displaying women as sexy lustful objects, it makes sense that you're curious.  The response to this comment makes me think that there are plenty of girls out there experimenting!  Don't be afraid of what makes you happy.  I have a few Gay forum links in the column to the right.  they might help you feel more connected to others like you.

Rape

"I was raped and I still blame myself even though everyone says it's NOT MY FAULT"

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT  IT'S NOT YOUR FAULTIT'S NOT YOUR FAULT  IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT  IT'S NOT YOUR

 FAULT 

if you still don't believe me...

then you haven't heard it enough.

I have no way to relate to your experience.  But I've been digging online and I've found some sites and forums that I thought were the most genuine and personal.  I hope that you can find them useful...

Pandora's Aquarium

this is a great online forum for survivors of sexual violence. here yo can talk to and message other survivors and supporters.  you have to register, but it's free.  You must be 18 years of age or have parental permission.

After Silence

this is a site quite like the site above. it's a place where there's a chat room and message board. there are survivor stories as well.  this is a non-profit organization. Here you can share your stories and doubts with others who have survived the same thing.

RAINN

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, this is more of an informational and prevention site.  How to prevent and how to support rape victims.  I hope you find this useful.

NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE:

1.800.656.HOPE

free. confidential. 24/7.

for more information on how you can help:

www.rainn.org

Chemistry

"I stole this marker from the chem lab."

ughhhh......

i HATED chemistry.

it's weird where i find most of these quotes.  almost of all of them come from campus buildings, which i find the most interesting...maybe because i'm a college student.  all these comments are from girls that are like me and they're at an age where they're struggling and discovering who they are.  for me...this has been a fantastic journey into the minds of others.  it's been a comfort to read what others think and say...it's an honest human connection.  

but how do you get people to write?

sometimes there are stalls where there have been natural conversations...those are amazing finds.  but lately...there's been a question that stimulates the conversation:

"what's your secret?'

and people are eager to admit.

i hope that you can not only enjoy these conversations

but become involved in them as well!

Religious bystander

"When you think you have no one...remember who paints every sunrise, covers the oval with sparkling white snow, makes the flowers and trees bloom in spring...it's all for you, you're not alone."

i found this comment in response to all the comments about depression, self-esteem and eating issues.  It was meant to be a comfort to those who were suffering.

...

religion is strange.

...

i was raised in the church,

it was a huge part of my life for some time.

once i hit college,

no more church.

and you know what i noticed,

my faith was out of fear.

fear.

and for me, that's not faith.

(i'm not trying to say religion isn't great, it just might not be for me)

but here's the thing about religion,

it might be the only thing left.

the only hope.

whether it's true or not,

it's a thought.

a thought that makes you feel better.

and isn't that enough?

I slept with Jared Leto.

"I slept with Jared Leto but no one would believe me

so I told no one til now..."

this is

Jared Leto:

he's an American actor/musician,

you might recognize him from:

-Requiem for a Dream

-Alexander

-Lord of War

no wonder no one believed you.

Forget regret!

"I have never regretted any impulsive decision,

but rather that I wasted time justifying."

i loved this.

on wednesday night i went to the best concert ever!!  My friend Kendra is in this great band called Karate Coyote.  The link to their myspace is under my music links.  They were fantastic and I think it's awesome that two girls are running the vocals.  Ryan Horn also contributes to the vocals, which makes a fantastic trio!  Don't let these pictures fool you.  I was just on the right side of the stage so i only got pictures of two of the band members. But there's a total of six members.  They have an awesome sound, every member has something unique to bring to the table.  

K A R A T E  C O Y O T E

a t S K U L L Y ' S

Kendra Jados

singing Is That the Best You can do?

her brother Nic is behind her.

Ryan Horn 

playing Empty Space

Kendra playing on her keys!!

this is a little blurry...but as you can see,

there are lots of people on the stage.

Sam Corlett is the other lady vocalist. but she's quite the dancer, so she's hard to catch with my digital camera.  The other members are Nic Jados on bass, Eric Vescilius on guitar and keys and of course Ted Bigham on drums.  but almost all of them play multiple instruments and they bring a unique big band sound.  they're really great and worth checking out!